Beaches / Culture / Getting Around / The Philippines

From Whorehouse to Crystalline Archipelago: Travelling to El Nido

I’ve travelled some trying journeys in my time, a rickety 13-hour train from Shanghai to Beijing with only a toilet-hole straight onto the tracks, a mental prickly-skinned 36-hour plane ride home from New Zealand, and now I have a cramped, hustle of a van-ride to El Nido to add to that.

After a 3-hour trek to Taipei airport, a 1am 2-hour flight to Manila, a 5-hour stop-over sleeping on metal benches in a café, and a 1.5-hour flight to Puerto Princessa, we arrived ready to face 6-hour slog of a van ride north to El Nido. What we weren’t prepared for, was being well and truly hustled, not so much for our money (as we paid the going-rate) but for our time!

Conferring with a few different vendors who organise van trips from Puerto to El Nido, we were swept up by a cheery local woman in suit trousers who guaranteed a swift 4-5 hour journey after we stopped for a coffee. Lured in by the promise of a strong coffee, we soon agreed. Our fatal error, of course, was to part with our money too early. A short coffee break turned into a lazy 2-hour wait whilst the woman tried to fill the rest of the seats in the van for the long journey.

We hadn’t realised at the time, but our old edition of Lonely Plant warns you to “be prepared to wait and wait…” and wait and wait we did. When we thought it was over, after a ride back to the airport and a van-switch and an additional passenger (well, two), it transpired that was only the beginning of our seemingly never-ending journey.

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The additional passenger, Steve, certainly was a character. In some hybrid accent of Australian and strange Filipino, he began a torrent of prattle to the two hustley drivers about getting himself a girl, one on the left, one on the right.. because all the girls love him for his “peso-nality.” As if being bundled in the back of a van with the crass Steve upfront wasn’t bad enough, our van pulled to a gear-box crunching stop outside the local brothel into which one guy and Steve disappeared, and out of which slim tanned women in skimpy skirts tumbled.

Somewhat horrified to be having a dirty old man and a prostitute hitching onto a family ride, we made a bit of a rattle in the back when next we were told we’d be looping back round to the airport to pick up two more passengers. Sadly we had little power as our money was already gone from our pockets – a classic British tourist mistake – unlike Steve, who had given half at the gas station and was holding onto the other half and his beautiful, young prostitute.

Finally, we got on the road, Steve telling us about his active service in the Vietnam War in 1969 and the girl in the front glancing round at us all the time. His story certainly stacked up by the looks of his age and the dates, whether it was true or not who knows, but he claimed it made him a damaged man.

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A couple of hours in we lost those two, and gained some local or other in every village along the way, including a man with two massive fish which they strapped to the top of the van. I was relieved not to have two fresh dead fish eyeballing me, which seemed entirely possible. As we also didn’t read beforehand, and exclaimed 5 hours into the van-ride that Lonely Planet didn’t mention (it in fact did): “Much the highway north from Puerto to Taytay is paved and in good condition; however, the road deteriorates into a rough track from Taytay to El Nido.” It was a bumpy ride, totalling our journey time to 24 hours.

At the end of the journey, Luke’s brother, Matty, poignantly noted: “We could’ve gone anywhere in the world in this time.” We could have, but not for the same price, of course.

Was it worth it? Waking up to an enchanting archipelago soaking in clear glass sea the next morning, I have to say, probably.

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7 thoughts on “From Whorehouse to Crystalline Archipelago: Travelling to El Nido

  1. You have painted such a vivid picture and I know that in years to come you will find the story as hilarious as I just did….putting your discomfort aside..

  2. I must admit, I’ve just laughed out loud literally while reading this on Auntie Kim’s recommendation! I don’t know if you intentionally wrote with such humour, I’m assuming not, knowing you as I do:) but this will definitely be one of those anecdotes around the dinner table in years to come that starts, do you remember the time……
    I sincerely hope that you enjoy the rest of your time away and do not have the same nightmare journey back.

    • Thanks, Mum. Was written with a bit of humour in mind, but you know how dry my sense of humour is anyway. If you don’t take it in a light-hearted way you’d only get upset! haha.

  3. Sounds somewhat similar to our trip to El Nido haha. I guess that’s part of budget traveling :) We absolutely adored El Nido though-one of our favorite places we’ve ever been! I’ve heard it’s getting more and more touristy though. When we went a year and a half ago we were able to enjoy our own private island for the same price as most bungalows. Hope you enjoyed your stay!!

    • Yeah, completely! Those kind of experiences are always a nightmare at the time, but funny on reflection at least. We super loved El Nido too, it’s so beautiful, but we weren’t as lucky as you to have a whole private island! It’s certainly changing really fast – you can tell that in 5 or so years it’s going to be ‘ruined’ by a McDonalds and a heap of sleezy hotels. It’s a shame, but beautiful still for now at least!

  4. Pingback: What to Do in El Nido and Around | Strangers~in Taiwan

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